I Hate Everything About You
by shanewalsh
Summary: He found me when I was broken, he fixed me. I thought he was safe, I thought he was home. What he did next would destroy me.
1. Prologue

"Where are you going?" I watched as he had lucille resting against his shoulder, he was headed towards the door. This wasn't good. I felt the lump in my stomach rise. He wasn't going to respond to me, he never did. That look was in his eyes. The sun was beginning to set as the worry was beginning to rise within me. I hopped up from the warm bed and ran across the cold concrete floor. "Fucking answer me." I swallowed hard. His eyes could be so cold sometimes I wondered if he was even alive inside. He was hard, cold and calculated.

 _"Move."_ It wasn't a request, it was a demand. I watched as he lay lucille down, his hands grasped my hips and I gasped. My feet lifted from the floor and he placed me down. His warm lips kissed my nose, I smiled. "Please, be safe." I placed my hands on his chest and curled into his body. Safe. He was safe. I was surrounded by chaos. My brother had died. I had been separated from my sister in law and my nephew. I was left for dead when he found me.

I could never forget the way his hands felt against my skin. The musky un-showered smell. He was my hero in a leather jacket. _Crazy?_ **Definitely**. He carried around Lucille like she was a first prize trophy he had one when he was a child. I licked my lips, leaning in for a kiss. "Come back to me." I croaked, my throat tightened. I hated watching him leave.

 _"Always."_

* * *

All I heard was noise. Screams from a distance filled my ears. I knew this wasn't good. Was he okay? My stomached turned at the thought of him dying. What would I do without him? Panic filled my bones, I hopped up, dropping my book to the floor. I slid my feet into my worn out sneakers and I reached for the ratty old sweater my brother had given me for my 20th birthday. Anxiety filled me, walking down the hallway as I bumped into person after person just as curious as I was to find out what was happening beyond the door.

I was out first, pushing the door all I could see was a crowd of people. "What the fuck is happening?" I pushed my way through bodies of people. I could hear Negan. He was okay. My heart slowed. I pushed person after person out of my way.

I fell to my knees as I seen his face. My _brother_. Rick. It couldn't be. He was bloodied and bruised. "What did you do?!" I screamed. I struggled to get to my feet. My body had failed me. I need to get to him. I have to get to him. "Rick!" I screamed. I could feel the tears falling from my face. "Negan…" I whimpered. I used my hands to push myself up from the ground. The gravol had cut into my knees, I could feel the sing from the tiny cuts on my legs.

"Rick, Rick…" I placed my hand on my brothers face. He looked different. He looked like he had been through hell and back. "Are you okay?" I whispered. That's when I had seen him, out of the corner of my eye. Carl.

"Aunt Billie?" His voice was the same. Freckles filled his cheeks, I wanted to smile and hug him but I was frozen. I couldn't move. What had he done? He had hurt my family.


	2. Chapter 1: Savior

I was leaning against a tree. Shaking, I was cold. I, was going to die. Today was going to be my last day on earth. The warm blood slowly ran down my face, I tried to focus on saving myself but I was disoriented. I every time I tried to move the earth felt like it was falling from beneath me. I tried to crawl, my hand covered in dirt as I pushed my body through the broken branches and leaves.

"There!" I heard a man's voice. I cringed. They were coming back for _me_.

I tried to get to my feet, struggled as my body worked against me. I needed to run. I needed to survive. I pushed myself to my feet and with one step I found myself back on the ground. I began to cry. I never cried. I couldn't remember the last time I had food, the last time I had a taste of water. I wanted to give in. I wanted it all to end. The world had collapsed. What was the point of surviving?

"Please, do- don't hurt me. Just leave, I have nothing else to give you." I covered my face in fear. I felt like a coward. This wasn't what I was taught. I wasn't supposed to run away. I was supposed to stand and fight. Tough.

"It's okay."

He touched me and I yelled, flinching away in fear.

I screamed, fighting back tears I choked on my hair. "Don't. Don't hurt me." I struggled to breath as I was consumed by panic and fear.

"Look, I won't hurt you."

I cried. The tears wouldn't stop. I was exhausted.

"It's okay." His voice was calm. I reached out trying to get myself off of the ground. That was the first time I had ever felt his warm hand on me. He picked me up. Everything was blurry, nothing seemed to make sense anymore. "I'm going take care of you."

* * *

"Ugh!" The soft moan escaped my lips as I woke up. I felt like I was spinning around, I reached for a wall.. Nothing. Emptiness.

"We don't know her!" I could hear the unfamiliar voice, a female, a very angry woman. Where was I? How did I get here? Nothing seemed to click for me. The last thing I could remember was being in the woods against a tree, _dying._

I turned to my side, the room was pitch black I couldn't see a thing. Instinctively I brought my hand to my head, it had been bandaged up in gauze and medical tape. "She's a harmless girl. She was almost dead when we found her, I don't think she's a threat."

I swallowed. I was in hostile territory.

The light crept into the room as the door slowly opened "Where am I?" I could hardly hear myself speak my head was pounding. I wanted to throw up.

"You are going to be okay." It was his voice again, the voice of the man who saved me.

"Who are you?"

"Negan."

Negan. Great.

 _Why did you save me_?

"Ar - Are you" I stuttered, I couldn't figure out what I wanted to say. I knew I wanted to talk but the words weren't coming out of my mouth. "You won't hurt me?" I asked as my hands played with the blanket I was wrapped in. The room was still pitch black and I struggled to see anything.

I flinched as I felt his hand graze against my head. "I'm not going to hurt you."

 _I believed him._

"I'm going to light this candle okay?"

I couldn't string together a sentence. I wanted to nod my head, knowledge him in some way but all I could do was let out a soft _mhm_. I heard the sound of the match as it lit and for the first time I laid eyes on the man who saved me.


	3. Chapter 2: Family

I knew I should feel safe, I was in a room, of what I could only assume used to be an old office or warehouse. Concrete bricks for walls, a big metal door. I hadn't seen anyone but Negan since they had brought me here. I found myself waking up in a place I had never seen before, I could hear people talking outside my door. I guess, I should have been scared and I was. I wondered every time the door closed behind him who was going to walk in next, was I going to _die?_

The world had ended.

Why would they keep me alive?

Another mouth to feed? Who wanted that.

I was laying quietly on the hard mattress with blankets wrapped about my body. I felt terrible. I was still covered in bruises, I was sure I could see them turning more purple by the second. I had fallen in and out of sleep. I wasn't exactly sure how long I had been in here, but I wanted to leave. I wanted to be back out on my own.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Billie, are you awake?" Hearing his voice I felt a sudden sense of safety and suddenly my sense of urgency towards leaving had dissipated.

"I am."

"I'm sorry it's so early but I wanted to bring you something to eat." I smiled, rolling over in bed. I felt like I wanted to fix my hair, just my clothes. I wanted to look good for him in reality I hadn't seen a mirror in months.

"Thank you, you're very kind." I spoke softly. "When I'm better… I'll be on my way."

"I don't want you to leave Billie." He placed the food in front of me, I was starving but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I wanted to soak in every second of him being around. "If you don't start eating though, you might not be around long."

I must have been staring at him for too long, I looked away quickly and pushed the blankets from my body.

"Sorry." I said quietly.

"Tell me about yourself Billie."

"What is there to say? I can't say anything. It's not like I have a job or any family to tell you about.. They're all dead now." I sighed. I missed them, I missed my brother. It wasn't fair.

"Tell me about them."

"No." I spat back. I didn't want to talk about my brother. I missed him.

"Why?"

I was quiet. I didn't look him in the eye. I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep. "They're dead. Why talk about the dead?"

"I want to learn about you."

"You don't understand it do you? It happened, the world collapsed and people like you survived, and I … I got lucky. I'm not built for this world."

"I think that's bullshit."

I was startled by his words. I sat up straight and looked him in the eye. "You don't know me."

A smirk played at the corner of his lips. I could feel myself melt. "My parents died when I was 17, so for a while I lived with my brother and his wife, Lori." I paused. I didn't want to do this.


	4. Chapter 3: Staying

"Are you scared?" His eyes looked into mine, it felt like he was looking thru me.

"Should I be?"

My heart skipped a beat, as I watched him pick up his bad. I was usually always one step ahead, ready for anything that might happen. I could consider all possible outcomes but when I was around Negan everything seemed to shut down.

"No, Billie you don't have to worry." I was unsure what to make of him. His leather Jacket, his barbed wire bat… would anyone know what to make of a man who grinned the most evil smile and carried around a bat wrapped in barbed wire? Probably not but when I looked into his eyes everything seemed to fade away and life made sense again.

I was 18 the first time I realized I had a thing for men with authority. It was just after graduation when my brother and his best friend Shane had come home in their police uniforms. I had always had a thing for Shane - every girl within a 300 mile radius of our little town had a thing for Shane Walsh but the second I laid eyes on him in his uniform I knew I was screwed.

"When do I get to leave?"

"You don't have to leave, I told you that."

"I can't stay here. I need to try and find my brother."

"Why do you think he's still alive?"

My heart dropped. The idea of Rick being dead was unfathomable. I had spent every day for the last 2 years trying to find him again. If I, being the wimp that I am was able to survive for 2 years on my own I knew my brother had it in him to do the same.

"Because I know." My voice was snappy but he didn't seem to care.

"What if I help you find him, you don't have to leave."

I huffed loudly, he wasn't going to let this go. "Fine."

"Good. Now you come with me."

I hopped up from the bed, more quickly than I should have but I had been stuck in the same room for what felt like a week. It may have only been a few days but I couldn't have been more excited to get away from these four walls and see something… anything.

"Where are we going?" I followed behind, watching him swing his bat. I wasn't sure if he even noticed he was swinging it or if the bat had become like a limb to him.

"I'm taking you to see your room."

My room was in a house back in Georgia.


End file.
